You are an AMAZING friend for wanting to learn more about how to help friends who cut (+ get them help!).

It is totally normal to feel worried, scared, maybe even completely lost about how to help them.

It can be hard to know what to do or how to help friends who struggle with self-harm.

As a mental health therapist who specializes in helping teenagers who struggle with things like self-harm urges and behaviors, I know that friends usually turn to other friends first.

So in this video, I want to share 4 ways you can help your friends who cut and get them the help you know they deserve.

⚠️ Content Warning: This video contains content related to Self Harm. Please take the appropriate steps to protect your mental health + expectations. In the US you can text the Crisis Text Line 24/7 at 741-741.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about ways to help friends who cut (+ get them help):

BE HONEST

Think about a cup. Based on different cup sizes, you're gonna be able to fit more or less liquid in there.

When I go to Starbucks, which y'all know, I love my Starbucks, they have to know what size drink you're ordering so that they can put it in the right cup.

Now thankfully, as human beings, our capacity is not necessarily only limited by cup size. We're a little more flexible. We can stretch and pull, but not entirely. You can't just stretch from a tall to a venti and just magically fit everything.

It takes some time to stretch emotionally.

It's also good to consider what you already have in your cup. If you're starting out with ice in your cup, there's gonna be less room for the liquid.

If you are starting out with stresses like family, school, work, relationships, friends, you might not have as much time or care, or attention to be able to give your friend the way that they need and deserve from you.

That's okay. It's not to say that it will be that way forever, but you need to honest and let them know now what your capacity is to help. And when you do this, also let them know what the crisis lines are in your area.

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SHARE YOUR COPING SKILLS

Y'all know I love me a good coping skill. Usually, it takes about six to eight coping strategies to match the same relief you feel from a problem behavior.

But before you share your coping strategies, make sure that they're interested in hearing what they are.

Many of us mistakenly think that everybody wants to hear our own experience and what we found helpful, and that's not always the case.

There's a big difference between telling somebody what you know and asking if they've tried something that you found helpful.

❌ Telling somebody, "Hey, you just need to take a deep breath and chill out," probably not gonna be helpful in the moment.

👍 But if you ask them, "Hey, have you considered trying to take a deep breath," they may be a little more receptive to that.

→ They may say, "Yes, of course I've tried deep breathing," and then you say, "Hey, is it cool if I share a few other strategies that I've found helpful?"

They may say yes, they may say no, but you'll have your answer at that point, and that's all you can do.

You can't make people interested in the good information you have to share. Trust me, as a therapist, I know.

TALK TO A SAFE ADULT

Offering to talk to a safe, responsible adult with your friend can be really, really helpful because oftentimes friends reach out to friends first. They don't know who or how to reach out to professional help.

When it comes to safety and risk of harm to self or others, that is beyond your capacity as a teenager. And sometimes even as an adult, we have to reach out to other professionals for help and support.

If you're not sure who some safe, responsible people are in your world, a good place to start is your schools: → your guidance counselor

→ a school social worker

→ school psychologist

→ the principal

→ a teacher

→ a coach

→  You may even try talking to your pediatrician or primary care physician.

→  And if you have a good, close relationship with your own parents, they're good people to talk with as well.

So by going and offering to meet with somebody who is safe and supportive, who knows this kind of world, with them, you're taking a little pressure off them and giving them an extra boost and support in asking for that help, which is pretty cool.

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KEEP TALKING!!

A lot of times we get this weird feeling that "oh my gosh, if we keep talking about it, I'm gonna make them cut more."

That is absolutely NOT true.

That whole secrecy just feeds into the shame that surrounds all of that behavior. The fact that your friend trusted you enough to let you know that, "hey, this is something that I'm doing, that I'm struggling with."

Whether they themselves consider it a struggle or not, they're letting you know that they want your help and input.

🙁So if they tell you about it, and then you just never talk about it again, that feels pretty awful.

🙂 But if you let them know that you're curious and that you're interested and that you're supportive in getting them help, that's a wonderful, great sign, and you should totally do that.

And it doesn't always have to be some deep, heart-to-heart conversation.

You can literally just check-in and be like, "Hey, I was thinking about you, and I was just wondering how are you doing with everything?"

You can actually use the words:

→ "Hey, have you cut recently?"

→ "Is there anything I can do to help?"

→ "Is there anyone that you want to talk to?"

Give them some options and ask their permission, and if worse comes to worst, you can always call a crisis support line to get some guidance and support as well.

When our friends share their pain with us, it can feel really stressful and overwhelming, which is why I've created a video with 33 coping skills that can help you deal with self-harm urges that are not distraction. You can check this out on the video right here: https://youtu.be/tu6F6QIL6ww

And if you found this information useful and helpful, please make sure to share it, 'cause you never know who you could be helping.

IF YOU ARE CONCERNED THAT YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, MAY BE CONSIDERING KILLING THEMSELVES, PLEASE CONNECT THEM WITH HELP.

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