Healthy Friendship isn't what you think...
Are you noticing these Red Flags?
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You might be surprised to find out that Healthy Friendship isn't what you think.
Find out if your Friendship is Healthy or Toxic!
and strategies that can help improve your friendships.
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These are 5 areas you need to check for Red Flags in your friendships:
BOUNDARIES
Good fences make good neighbors.
That works with friendships too. When it comes to boundaries, these are your expectations and your limits for what is tolerable or not tolerable in a relationship.
You need to know what your boundaries are. So a good spot to start is by checking in with what is important to you.
What are the values that drive your decisions? A lot of times we focus on achieving outcomes in relationships and friendships rather than aligning our values to those friendships.
When you go back to your values, what are the things that are most important to you that help guide your decisions and choices moving forward, that will help you identify and communicate your boundaries clearly.
COMMUNICATION
So y'all know as a mental health therapist, I love to talk about feelings. I love to talk about them in my sessions. I love to talk about them in my day-to-day life. I love to talk about them here on the channel with you. And if you have been a long-time viewer, then you already know what I'm about to say.
Being clear and direct is kind.
That's right. When you are not clear, you're passive-aggressive, or you're sarcastic all the time, it can be really murky and a little confusing about what it is that you're trying to say.
If you are confused by something or there seems to be some miscommunications or misunderstandings, then you definitely wanna try to clear that up.
→ Stay curious,
→ Ask questions
→ Try not to assume without gathering some information
These are three key components to considering when you're communicating with others and figuring out if this is a healthy friendship or not?
The other thing that you wanna consider is how do you and the other person talk about other people?
If you are bonding with somebody over a shared dislike or disinterest in a certain person or type of people, oftentimes we call that gossiping. A lot of popular culture will tell you that that's fine. That's totally okay. We have magazines dedicated to this, TV shows, even YouTube channels that are focused on the tea.
But from a healthy friendship standpoint, probably not a sign of healthy friendship.
You see, if they're talking badly with you about other people, you can pretty much be safe to assume that they're doing the same about you when you are not present, especially if they're doing this about people within your bigger friend group.
If you are struggling with gossping in your friendship, it's totally okay to go back to setting a boundary with this friend and say something like, "Hey, I know that I haven't always been great about this in the past, and that I've totally indulged in gossiping to you, but I'm really trying to do better in that area so let's not gossip anymore."
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SAFETY
Now, a true healthy friendship is always gonna prioritize safety over secrecy.
Oftentimes with teenagers, whenever they are going through a difficult or a troublesome time, they tend to rely on each other first before going to a safe, responsible adult. And that's totally okay. That's totally normal. There's nothing wrong with that.
But a good friend will prioritize your health, well-being, and safety over any sort of secrecy. And that's because if you share something that you're in trouble or somebody else is in trouble with a friend, I would hope that they're going to take that seriously and get you the help that you need.
A lot of teenagers are worried about upsetting their friends or that they're gonna hate them or be upset with them because they got them help. But at the end of the day, you've really got to consider, you know, is it worth making sure that my friend stays alive and well and gets help, and maybe they're mad at me for a little while for making that happen? Or is it worth risking that they might do something to harm themselves or someone else but they won't be mad at me?
For me, I would err on the side of making sure that they're alive and well.
DISAGREEMENTS
How do y'all handle disagreements? There's gonna come times where you're gonna have different points of view in a friendship or a relationship. It's totally fine, totally healthy.
But it's how you guys navigate and discuss and respect each other, hopefully, that's going to make a huge difference.
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→ So are they listening to your viewpoint?
→ Are they considering why you might think of something a certain way?
→ And are you doing the same for them?
When it comes to disagreements, I really encourage people to use their coping skills before, during, and after an argument or disagreement because, oftentimes, disagreements come because we feel really strongly about something. And when we feel really strongly about something, it can kind of cloud our rational or reasonable logical thinking. So we wanna make sure that we are paying attention to and listening to our emotions, but not letting them run the show.
That's where navigating and making use of your coping skills can help you contain your emotions in a way that is going to be meaningful and effective in communicating your points versus having it be where your friend is only hearing the emotion.
ACTIONS
Y'all already know that I highly value integrity. Integrity comes from noticing if your actions match what you say.
When your actions and your words line up with one another, it builds trust within that friendship and relationship. It makes it easier to understand and feel secure that they mean what it is that they're communicating to you along the way.
If you are constantly being told that somebody is like, yes, yes, yes, telling you things that feel great to hear in the moment in your friendship, but then their actions aren't lining up with that, at a certain point, you've got to consider that maybe they're trying to portray an aspirational version of themselves versus seeing where they're at for who they are right now.
Now, if you are struggling with knowing how to make good friends, I've got a great video about five mistakes that you definitely wanna avoid. So check that out right over here: https://youtu.be/Cr1X1lkSAzw
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