Talking to parents about wanting to die + wanting help can feel really scary!

• Will they send you to the hospital?

• Will they take you seriously?

• Will they be angry with you?

You definitely don't want to be a burden or stress them out. After all, you actually care about your parents.

Healing from suicidal thoughts, plans and urges is NOT a solitary game.

And if your parents don't know that you've been struggling with wanting to die, they can't help support you and get you help.

This video post will help guide you through some important points to consider when you have this conversation with your parents.

⚠️ Content Warning: This video contains content related to Suicide. Please take the appropriate steps to protect your mental health + expectations. In the US you can text the Crisis Text Line 24/7 at 741-741.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about telling parents you want to die (+ get help!):

Honestly, the best way to talk to parents about suicidal thoughts or urges is to work with a mental health professional. We can help you have that conversation directly with them, but you might not be linked up with your own therapist. So I think it's important that you know how to start the conversation now.

USE YOUR COPING SKILLS

If you've made it this far in life, you have coping skills. These are the things that you do to hang in there through the intensity of an uncomfortable emotional experience. 

So these could be:

🧘‍♀️ Taking some Deep Breaths

🖍 Coloring

🎻 Playing Music

There's a variety of coping skills, but you're gonna want to make use of your coping skills before, during, and after the conversation with your parents because talking about this stuff is EMOTIONAL!  It can be really intense.

It can feel really scary, not just for you, but for your parents as well.

WRITE A LETTER

Before you go in, write it down!

✓ Exactly how you're feeling

✓ Exactly what it is that you want to say

✓ Exactly what you need from your parents in order to feel differently

When you start to become emotional, you don't have full access to the logical processing part of your brain.

So what happens is this thing we call “flooding” because there are all sorts of things that are flowing to that part of your brain. This means that you're not able to hold onto and retain logical information at that time.

So having a letter can help if during the conversation words escape you. You can even give it to your parents so that they can read and reflect on it after the conversation.

I cannot stress this enough. When it comes to talking about death and dying, you have to be clear and direct with your parents.

You don't want them getting the wrong message. You don't want them to think that you're joking. When you're serious, trust me, they will feel awful. If they misread the situation, clear is kind here.

You need to be clear and direct and use the words:

→ I want to die.

→ I want to kill myself.

→ I want things to be different.

Whatever it is that you're trying to say, say that. It's the only way that your parents are going to clearly understand what it is that you're wanting to say.

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THEY LOVE YOU!!

Please remember that your parents do love and care about you. They wouldn't keep being your parents and taking care of you if they didn't.

The way that they show and express that love might not be the way that you prefer or that you would be most apt to receive it, but they're doing the best they can.

Remember that we have all sorts of defense mechanisms that kick into gear when we're feeling emotionally unsafe:

😡 They may get angry

🤬 They may start calling you names

🤣 They start laughing

And hearing that your kid wants to die can make you feel really emotionally unsafe.

Parents are human beings, too! So be kind and gentle and know that their reaction is just a reflection of how much they love and care about you, even if it's misguided.

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KEEP TALKING!!

You gotta keep talking about this! This is NEVER a one and done conversation. You want to keep the conversation going.

You may have been struggling in dealing with this for a very long time, possibly even years, but to your parents, this may be new information. So it might take some time to marinate and settle in before they fully understand what's going on. 

Now that you know how to have this conversation with your parents, you might be wondering what coping strategies should you use to hang in there?

→  I've got four DBT crisis survival skills that you can check out in this video post right over here: mallorygrimste.com/counseling-blog/dbtcrisissurvivalskills

IF YOU ARE CONCERNED THAT YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, MAY BE CONSIDERING KILLING THEMSELVES, PLEASE CONNECT THEM WITH HELP.

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1-800-273-8255

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