I'm back with another edition of things I want you to stop saying to teens with mental health struggles.
This one is a viewer's request to make one of these for teens struggling with ADHD.
You already know that I like to do my best to meet your needs- it's why I create videos like this one - so ask and you shall receive! (*if it's something I can actually give you that is)
🔔Subscribe here for MORE videos that help teens struggling with mental health: mallorygrimste.com/youtube
01/05
❌ STOP SAYING:
"Just focus."
This is literally a major defining symptom of many attention deficit conditions. The ability to focus is difficult without some intentional strategies to use.
✅ START SAYING:
"What's distracting you right now?"
When you ask this question, you’re helping the person practice mindfulness so they can tune into what’s distracting them. Once they can identify the distraction, they can make a plan to cope with it, or solve the problem in some other way so they can concentrate easier moving forward.
02/05
❌ STOP SAYING:
"Stop Fidgeting!"
While their fidgeting may be irritating the hell out of you- it may actually be helping them to think and concentrate. Did you know that drawing while listening can actually help people with attention deficits to concentrate and retain information better than being asked to sit still while listening?
✅ START SAYING:
"I don't know if you realize this but tapping your pen is distracting me. Can you try holding it in your hand instead while you think?"
The person fidgeting may have no idea that it’s having an impact on your experience. Letting them know in a kind, non-accusing way, along with giving them another option to try, can help them continue to focus without continuing to annoy you. Win-Win!
LIKE THIS VIDEO POST? I’D LOVE FOR YOU TO FOLLOW ME ON PINTEREST AND PIN IT FOR LATER!
03/05
❌ STOP SAYING:
"Hurry up and stop taking so long."
Time management is one of the executive function tasks that's impacted by ADHD. They’re just living their life and doing their best to get ready or complete the task you’ve asked them to do for you. They may be taking so long because they're so tuned into the task because it’s so easy for them to get hyper-focused and forget to manage their time.
✅ START SAYING:
"You have 10 minutes before I leave."
Giving a time frame helps them realize how long a task should take to complete. It’s important to manage expectations though. What may take you 10 minutes, may take them 15 minutes, so stay flexible while holding them accountable. For a stronger impact, you may suggest they set a timer as a reminder.
04/05
❌ STOP SAYING:
"You need to clean up."
While this may seem clear to you, it’s a bit too vague for a teenager who struggles with ADHD. There are too many variables here for miscommunication to occur. Clean up themselves? Clean their room? Clean up their choices? There needs to be more context. Also- define what specifically you mean by clean. Wiping down the sink in the bathroom is technically “cleaning” but if you want them to scrub the toilet, pick up their towels and wipe down the shower, you need to define that, too.
✅ START SAYING:
"When you’re finished eating, you need to put the dishes from dinner in the dishwasher."
This is clear, concise, and actionable. There is little room for misinterpretation here. BONUS is there’s sequencing in this statement, too. You want them to put the dishes from dinner AFTER they finish eating. Not before bed, not when they wake up.
05/05
❌ STOP SAYING:
"Before you can meet your friends at the mall today, you need to take a shower, brush your teeth, fold the laundry and put it away, do your homework, call your grandmother, dust and vacuum your room, and walk the dog...."
On the flip side, this is WAY too much information to give verbally. Remember focusing and retaining information can be difficult for teens with ADHD symptoms. It’s clear, but too much for a teen with ADHD to remember while taking action on these tasks.
✅ START SAYING:
"There are a few chores I need you to do before you meet your friends at the mall. I wrote them down for you here so you can cross them off as you go."
Writing down the list can help teens with ADHD stay organized and task-focused. It’s clear and they can take it with them. If the teen with ADHD tends to lose things easily, you may want to use a whiteboard in a family gathering area like the kitchen, or a digital tracker you both have access to, like Asana.
WANT TO REMEMBER THESE TIPS? DON’T FORGET TO PIN IT!
IF YOU ARE CONCERNED THAT YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, MAY BE CONSIDERING KILLING THEMSELVES, PLEASE CONNECT THEM WITH HELP.
SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE
1-800-273-8255
✨ Call 24/7 ✨
