You've had it pretty rough.
Many of you left your schools back in March expecting to "see you on Monday," and that never came.
This is not what you envisioned.
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Spring is meant to be a time of celebration.
It's the blooming of all the work and effort you put into the school year. You're supposed to be dancing with your girls at prom and walking across the stage at graduation with your friends.
Instead, you're stuck at home, away from your friends, away from your social supports, trying to figure out this new online school that even your teachers can't figure out.
All the while, feeling worried about loved ones who are sick or potentially at risk of becoming sick and worrying about how this will impact your future as a whole.
THIS IS HARD.
And with all these disappointments piling up, how are you supposed to deal with it?
You Are Not Alone!
Your generation is in a really unique situation in that all of you are going through the same stressors at the same time. The impact of this global pandemic is affecting an entire generation together. So that in and of itself is a really unique circumstance.
It's different than going through a natural disaster, where only a small section of the population is impacted or affected, like Hurricane Katrina.
That being said, just because you're going through it together, doesn't mean that it's easy. And I want you to know regardless of what you think and feel, your experience is real and it's valid. It matters.
So while this is not a community that you ever sought to belong to, we're in this together.
Balancing Change with Acceptance
There's a concept in Dialectical Behavior Therapy called Radical Acceptance, which is accepting what is, is. So it's not getting so attached to what was supposed to be or should be, and it's just noticing and acknowledging that this is the reality right now. At the same time, you don't have to just blindly accept that.
I think that striving for some sort of change and outcome is really important. So while things are not the way that we planned them to be, what are some areas for improvement and change that you can benefit from?
Please stop SHOULD-ing on yourself.
That's the idea of getting stuck on, "Oh, I should be doing this” or “this should be happening." When you should on yourself, you're staying stuck in what is and you're not able to get to where you have control of the situation. You're kind of just accepting that this is happening to you and that's it. That can feel really self-defeating.
Replace “have to” with “get to”
When you find yourself getting into a “have to” mindset, I want you to try to replace the words have to with “get to.” Instead of, "I have to do my homework online now," you can say, "I get to do my homework online now." Instead of saying, "I have to wait until next spring "to walk with my class," try saying, "I get to wait until next spring to walk with my class." Making that small little shift in language can actually improve your mindset so that you're more appreciative of what opportunities exist, which is a great next thing to do.
What is the OPPORTUNITY?
Things are not the way that they're supposed to be or that we ever planned them to be. What other unforeseen opportunity exists here?
I really like to play the “what if” game. Here is how you play it:
1. Go through a list of all the negative what ifs. Let your mind go wild with it because if you don't let it out, it's gonna stay festering in your brain and your body.
2. After you spend a period of time with that, then take a few moments and consider the neutral what ifs. They don't really have a strong positive or negative charge to them.
3. Explore all of the positive possibilities. And again, let your mind go really wild here with all the positive possibilities, and you may see some other room for an opportunity that you didn't see before.
As you start finding the opportunities, you'll start to feel a little more in control of what's happening to you and around you.
Focus On What You CAN Control
While you can't control the shelter-in-place status or the impact of the virus, you can control things like how you choose to spend your time, what you do to help, what you choose to focus on, what areas you want to improve in your own lives. And that can feel really powerful.
Have Self-Compassion
You are a human being and this stuff is hard, it's real. I want you to remind yourself that it's okay to have crappy, crummy days. You're allowed to feel exhausted, you're allowed to feel anxious, you're allowed to feel depressed, you're allowed to experience neutrality. Whatever your emotional and physical experience is at this time, I want you to know that that is okay.
If what you're experiencing becomes overwhelming or problematic, I would really encourage you to link up with some sort of counseling.
We know that therapy can be really helpful for improving your social connections and supports, which is why I offer group therapy.
Tell me….
I hope that you found this information valuable and helpful and if you did, let me know in the comments over on my YouTube channel- you can click here to go to this video.
And please be sure to share this video because you never know who you could be helping in the process.
If you want to know more about how to stop perfectionism from holding you back, click here to watch a great video on this very important topic.
Want even more positive influences in your teen's life? Teen Girls Therapy Group is a weekly space where your teen girl can connect with others dealing with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. By talking and learning together, they learn to feel better about the relationships they have with themselves and others.
If you want to secure your teen's spot- complete your complimentary 15-min parent phone screening at 203-228-8971 or completing the contact form here.
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