If you struggle with Depression, you may ask yourself from time to time,
Is it even possible for you to create meaningful relationships?
And I would say, absolutely!
I'm gonna share how in this video post:
🔔Subscribe here for MORE videos that help teens struggling with mental health: mallorygrimste.com/youtube
Remembering these 7 strategies will help you
create meaningful relationships with others,
*even when you are depressed.
1. Be Kind to Yourself
It's really easy, when you feel depressed, to beat up on yourself. You may tell yourself that you're not good enough, that you're worthless, and start wondering why would anyone even bother to want to create a meaningful relationship with you?
If you keep telling yourself that over and over again, you're gonna believe it and then you're gonna start looking for evidence that that's true. Which means that you may start finding yourself in situations where you're noticing all the reasons why somebody would not want to be your friend. And really, I don't know that that's super helpful. So, when you find yourself in those situations, if you start noticing that thinking pattern; you can catch it, and just be kind to yourself.
You're a human being, and you're allowed to make mistakes.
You're allowed to have flaws, you're allowed to have situations where everyone is not gonna like you. In fact, it's really healthy to have some people not like you. It's a sign that you're being true to who you are and that's okay. Do you like everyone who comes into your life? I know that I don't. So, why would you expect everyone to like you?
Instead, focus on being likable, rather than being liked. It puts you in the driver's seat and that can feel really empowering. So now that you're more focused on being likable, rather than being liked, it's important to figure out what you need from other people.
2. Tell others what you need (ahead of time)
In any sort of relationship, there needs to be some give and take. So, letting people know ahead of time what your preferences are, and what they can be doing to help remedy a situation- or avoid a situation from occurring in the first place- can be really helpful and powerful as well. It's a key component of developing any sort of healthy, meaningful relationship.
Are you familiar with the five love languages? It's the idea that we all show and receive care and appreciation, or love, in a variety of different ways. There are five main love languages and I would highly encourage you, go and take the test. Knowing what your primary love language is could help you be considerate in sharing that with others. It'll help give you and the person that you're looking to create a meaningful relationship with, a leg up.
3. Create a Coping Ahead Plan
A Coping Ahead Plan helps you know what steps you will take when you are having a depressive episode. So this includes self-care strategies, or emotion regulation skills. It could include what coping strategies you'll use in times of crisis, and who are the people that you can call for support in those times.
Now, don't just add them to the list. Have a conversation with them, telling them why you'd like to include them on your contact list, and asking their permission if that's okay.
Click here to download your free Coping Ahead Plan template now >>
4. Communicate
As a therapist, I hope that I'm on all of my clients' contact lists; that's what I'm here for. I'm here for support in those times of need. At the same time, I'm very aware and considerate of informing my clients when I won't be as readily available. For example, when I'm in session, I have my phone on silent, which means, even if you're calling me, I won't receive the message until I'm not in session anymore. I also like to remind the teens that I work with, that I do sleep at night. So, if you send me a message at two in the morning, it's very unlikely that I'll get it until I wake up the next morning.
Be sure to ask people when you're considering putting them on your coping ahead plan, what their boundaries are. And also, letting them know what yours are.
If you're somebody who really needs your nine to 10 hours of sleep a night ***that's me ***, letting people know is so important, so that they don't think that you're ignoring them. It can avoid a lot of situations. Or, if you know that your parents take your phone at night, let your friends know that too. That way they're not angry with you for not responding at three in the morning.
5. Don’t lie
When you struggle with Depression, you know that sometimes flare-ups can be really debilitating. You can have really low energy and it can be difficult to concentrate. You just feel sad or angry all the time. And once you start noticing what your pattern is during a flare-up, and you start sharing it with others, it can feel really nice and good to get that support back, which is not a bad thing.
But if you are using your symptoms, or your condition, to get out of situations and it's not true, you're probably gonna get found out at a certain point and that's not a really healthy way to create an honest, meaningful relationship. Meaningful relationships are built on trust, which means if you're not being honest, that's not a true, meaningful relationship.
You don't wanna end up in a situation like the boy who cried wolf, where if you over-rely on your condition to get out of things over and over again. When you're really in a time of crisis, those people may not take you as seriously as you need them to, which can feel awful in times of need. So, be considerate and don't over-rely on your symptoms to get out of things.
6. Clear is Kind
Instead, if you're not interested in doing something, or joining a club or activity, or meeting up with somebody, just be real and honest. You don't always have to give a full explanation. You can just say, "Oh, I'd rather be doing something else," or, "Bummer, wish I could, but I'm not available that day." Whatever the situation is. Just be real, be honest, and you'll have a meaningful relationship in no time.
7. Friends are not therapists
Now, once you have a meaningful relationship, it can be really easy to consider them as your mini therapist. I see so many of these signs and plaques that say "girlfriends are the best therapists," "dogs are the best therapists," etc. It's great to have support systems, but your friends are not your therapists.
Part of what makes a mental health therapy relationship so unique and special, is that, while there are two sides to the relationship, the client and the therapist, ultimately, the reason the people are coming together, is so that the therapist can support what the client desires and needs. The client is not there to support the therapist.
In a friendship, you guys both support each other. So, putting a friend in a position of being your therapist over and over again, can really wear on that relationship. Especially if they're another teenager going through life changes the same as you. You never know what somebody's experience is unless they tell you. So, keeping that in mind is really important too.
Tell me….
I hope that you found this information valuable and helpful and if you did, let me know in the comments over on my YouTube channel- you can click here to go to this video.
And please be sure to share this video because you never know who you could be helping in the process.
If you want to know more about how to love a teenager with Depression, click this link to watch a great video on this very important topic.
Want even more positive influences in your teen's life? Teen Girls Therapy Group is a weekly space where your teen girl can connect with others dealing with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. By talking and learning together, they learn to feel better about the relationships they have with themselves and others.
If you want to secure your teen's spot- complete your complimentary 15-min parent phone screening at 203-228-8971 or completing the contact form here.
IF YOU ARE CONCERNED THAT YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, MAY BE CONSIDERING KILLING THEMSELVES, PLEASE CONNECT THEM WITH HELP.
SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE
1-800-273-8255
✨ Call 24/7 ✨
