Can you create meaningful relationships when you have anxiety?
You sure can!
This Teen Therapist is spilling the tea on these 5 secrets today.
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When you suffer from anxiety, you can get really stuck in your head.
It's really easy to start overthinking, and questioning, and wondering…. you just get stuck in this really negative loop about what is real and what is not.
It can make it really difficult to develop healthy relationships with others if you're constantly wondering and thinking: Do they like me? Do they really wanna be my friend? Am I doing something to annoy them? Are they gonna leave me? These are all really common thoughts when you have anxiety.
So what are the 5 secrets to creating meaningful relationships when you have anxiety?
Secret #1 Be Kind to Yourself
You're a human being, which means that you have flaws. Not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone is going to get you. So learning how to be kind to yourself, regardless of how other people think or feel about you is going to be a key first step in creating that meaningful relationship with others.
So how do you do this? You can use positive affirmations. You can keep a running list of all the things that you love about yourself. Also working on being somebody who's likable, rather than being liked, is key.
When you focus on being a likable person, then it's on the other person whether or not they like you. And let's be real, if they don't like you, they're clearly missing out.
When you focus on being liked, then sometimes you can find yourself in situations where you're doing things that you don't enjoy, or that don't align with your own values. And then if you're not being yourself, do you really have a meaningful relationship? Or are you setting each other up for the illusion of a meaningful relationship? When that comes shattering down, it can be devastating.
Secret #2 Be You
There's a really interesting show on Netflix called "The Circle" where different players get to choose a social media identity to interact with each other. They cannot see, they cannot talk, only through this social media app called “The Circle.”
And so some people go in being very genuine, and real, and themselves, and other people go in trying to be somebody that they're not, kinda like a catfish. And I will tell you it breaks my heart when somebody goes in pretending to be a different person because not only does it reinforce the idea that these people wouldn't like them as they are, it also robs those other people the opportunity of getting to know the real you.
And good, genuine people, when they get to know you, and you allow them to know you, can help you feel really validated and good about yourself too. So why not give them a chance? And if they still don't like you after getting to know you, do you wanna be friends with someone like that? I don't.
Secret #3 Tell Others What You Need *ahead of time
Anxiety flareups can be really debilitating, and sometimes devastating. You can have a whole plan that you're gonna go to this party with your friend, and then the event comes up and your anxiety can just skyrocket. It can be immobilizing. So letting people know ahead of time what happens for you in periods of anxiety and what they can do to be helpful at that moment is really great.
'Cause otherwise if people are caught by surprise, or they just don't know, they're gonna create their own meaning about why you're bailing. They may think that you don't like them, which is not the case at all. And if you're in therapy and getting help for anxiety, letting them know that you're working on learning new strategies. Reminding them that sometimes along the way you're still gonna get flareups from time to time, that doesn't mean that you're not working on it, and that you're not trying to manage your anxiety.
Click here to download a free Coping Ahead Plan template for you to use.
Secret #4 Don’t Over-Rely On Your Anxiety
So you probably already know that avoiding anxiety-provoking situations can actually make your anxiety worse in the long run. Lying about an anxiety flareup can also get you in trouble with your friends too. Just be honest with them, be real.
If you don't wanna do something that they're suggesting, then just let them know you're not into it. You can be direct and not be a jerk. Brené Brown often says, "Clear is kind," and I couldn't agree more with her.
Secret #5 Friends Are Not Therapists
This secret is key to creating any sort of meaningful relationship, even if you have anxiety. If you're really struggling with anxiety to the point that it is affecting your relationships and your friendships, and you're not seeing a therapist, it's probably time to link up with someone local to you.
Therapy can be so wonderful, and it has the power to change lives.
If you tend to experience anxiety attacks in school, and I know most teenagers do, I really encourage you to click this link to watch this video next.
I hope that you found this information valuable and helpful and if you did, let me know in the comments over on my YouTube channel- you can click here to go to this video.
And if you found this video helpful, please be sure to share it because you never know who you could be helping.
Want even more positive influences in your teen's life? Teen Girls Therapy Group is a weekly space where your teen girl can connect with others dealing with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. By talking and learning together, they learn to feel better about the relationships they have with themselves and others.
If you want to secure your teen's spot- complete your complimentary 15-min parent phone screening at 203-228-8971 or completing the contact form here.
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