A lot of teenagers struggle with perfectionism.
Perfectionism is the idea that not only do things have to be complete, but they also have to be done well.
Perfectly Well…
As in no room for mistakes, no room for improvement.
It's the best of the best.
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Are you a perfectionist?
You may believe that if you're going to do something, you might as well do it well. That’s not necessarily a bad belief system to hold, but if it's getting in your way and you find yourself not able to start or finish things, then perfectionism is not working for you.
And if we're being realistic, I'm not sure that perfect exists.
One of my mentors actually has a plaque in the back of her video that says, “Done Is Better Than Perfect.” And I could not agree more.
So, if you find perfectionism getting in your way, like it has for me, I'm gonna share 3 ways that I make sure that perfectionism doesn't hold me back, so that you can learn to do the same…
1. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the practice of being kind to yourself when you're a human being. Human beings have flaws, they make mistakes, and they're not supposed to know everything and do everything right the first time. Being judgmental or critical of yourself to the point where you can't even do anything about it can actually keep you stuck. It limits how far you can go.
Some ways that you can practice self-compassion are:
Imagine that you have a friend dealing with a situation that you're in. What would you say to them? And then say it to yourself.
Repeat positive affirmations and remind yourself “I may not be perfect and I'm working to improve this area.”
2. Make A Little Mistake… On Purpose!
Now this next strategy is a little controversial, but it's super effective. One of the reasons that perfectionism holds us back is that you have this irrational belief that if it's not done perfectly, if you make a mistake, then that's it, it's over. So one of the ways that you can challenge that belief is to actually make a little mistake on purpose and see what happens.
Don't do this with your SATs, please. That's super important. Like, don't be like, “oh you know what, I'm just gonna choose not to study for my SATs. And we're just gonna see what happens”. That is not what I'm saying here. I mean something that's really low risk.
Like for example, one of the things that I actually recommend to people is to walk around with two mismatched socks if that's not typically your style. See if anybody notices. Do they treat you differently?
If you're ready for something a little more risky, but not devastating, go into a public place, whether that's the school library, your local coffee shop. It could even be on the school bus, wherever. And when you're there, start to listen to music on your phone with your headphones in, but here's the key. “Forget" to plug your headphones in all the way. That way, it can look like you made the mistake of playing music on your phone without fully plugging in your headphones.
You'll probably find that most people won't even notice or say anything, and if they do notice, they're just gonna call to your attention, like, ”hey, I don't know if you realize, but your headphones aren't plugged in all the way.” And if somebody's being a huge jerk about it, that's on them. You know that you made a mistake, and that's okay.
3. Ask the Focusing Question
If you're not familiar with this, it comes from a book all about improving your productivity called "The One Thing." The concepts and strategies within there are super effective for stopping perfectionism from holding you back. The focusing question is really motivating for helping you just get started.
So, what is the focusing question? It's where you consider all the things that you need to do, which can feel really overwhelming and it's hard to prioritize, like where to start, especially when they're all important. Like studying for midterms. So, what you can do instead is ask yourself this question:
“What is the one thing that if I get that done will make everything else feel easier and more manageable?“
And the thing is it may not actually be a task on your list. For example, sometimes my one thing is just catching up on laundry. I know that when my laundry is clean and put away and I don't have to worry about” What shirt am I going to wear? Are those pants clean? Do I have any socks? It is so much easier to get ready in the morning. And that makes for a really successful day for me.
Otherwise, if I'm feeling crunched for time or stressed out because I can't find the shirt that I wanna wear, that just sets the tone for the day. And while I can turn it around, it would have made my life so much easier if I just knew that all my laundry was clean and put away.
What is the one thing that you're gonna start on now?
Tell me in the comments on this YouTube video so we can support you. And I will be following up to check in on you. If you found these strategies helpful, I highly encourage you to share this video, because you never know who you could be helping in the process
Curious about how seeing a teen therapist can help improve your life in other ways? Click this link to watch that video next.
Want even more positive influences in your teen's life? Teen Girls Therapy Group is a weekly space where your teen girl can connect with others dealing with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. By talking and learning together, they learn to feel better about the relationships they have with themselves and others.
If you want to secure your teen's spot- complete your complimentary 15-min parent phone screening at 203-228-8971 or completing the contact form here.
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