how to talk to your parents about your social anxiety + get help

Knowing how to talk to your parents about your social anxiety is an important step to getting help.

Coping with social anxiety when you're a teenager can feel very painful, especially when you're trying to cope alone. Building healthy relationships and getting help from the right supports is a healthy way to cope with social anxiety.

As a mental health therapist, I help teenagers learn how to talk about their mental health struggles with their parents and others. I know how helpful it can be when your parents can understand + support your mental health.

You can use these 5 strategies to start the conversation, and keeping talking to your parents about your social anxiety so you can get help.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about how to talk to your parents about your social anxiety so you can get help:

BREATHE

The very first thing that you need to do is to pause and take a deep breath in and out. Great job!

Taking a deep breath will help settle your nerves and turn down the dial on that anxiety just a little bit so you feel a little less anxious and more in control. Then you can start the conversation with your parents.

If you're stuck in anxiety, then you're not gonna be as clear and open to hearing and understanding what your parents have to say in response.

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NOTICE

So now that you have settled your body and your mind, you're a little more clearheaded to take the next step: noticing what happens for you when you experience social anxiety.

If you can't notice your social anxiety, it's gonna be hard to talk to your parents about it.

Here are a few different things that you can start noticing:

→ your body's physical responses in moments of social anxiety, or even panic

→ what situations or circumstances spark up that social anxiety

→ what helps to quiet down your anxiety responses

Knowing what coping strategies or coping skills work for you is gonna be really important when you talk to your parents, too. Otherwise, it might be a little confusing for your parents if they see you talking with your friends and not feeling socially anxious. They might not understand why going to school might make you feel socially anxious.

The more concrete that you can notice these examples, the easier it's gonna be to roll into the next strategy: describing the situation to them.

DESCRIBE

So now that you've noticed the circumstances, you've noticed what works and doesn't work for you, and you've noticed what happens for you physically in these moments, these are all the things that you can use to describe and share with your parents so that they can understand your experience a little bit better.

 ❌ If your parents have never experienced the level of social anxiety that you are, it might not mean much to them when you say things like, "I'm feeling anxious. Why can't you understand?"

✅ Instead, you can let them know, "I'm noticing that I'm feeling anxious because my stomach feels really uncomfortable. It feels like I can't breathe as easily as I was before. I'm having all sorts of unrealistic, stressful thoughts."

The more clear that you can be here, it's gonna be really important to do that.

 Clear is kind, direct is kind.

Please be clear and direct with your situation and your experience and it will make it so much easier for your parents to understand you because they won't have to fill in the blanks and assume and get the story wrong. You're right there to clear it up for them.

THEY WANT TO HELP YOU

Please remember that if your parents are taking the time to hear you out and listen to you, they want to help you.

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No parent wants a miserable kid because I don't know about you, but if you've ever been around somebody who's miserable- that feels cringy to be around them, right?

They want you to feel good and confident and happy because it also helps the home feel happy too. So they're really invested in helping you manage and power through this the best that they can.

The more that you can notice and describe your situation and keep in mind that they want to help you, it will help you to keep talking about it.

KEEP TALKING!!

None of this is going to be a one-and-done conversation. You've probably been experiencing social anxiety for quite some time before you decided to talk to your parents about it.

Expecting them to just get it in one conversation ain't gonna fly.

Have you ever noticed with commercials, they constantly replay the same commercial over and over again? They do that because they really want you to remember this product, this drink, this food, whatever it is that they're selling- they want you to remember it and they want you to have a positive association or experience with it so you buy what they're selling.

When you keep talking about it with your parents, with kindness and curiosity, eventually they should get it or you will be of a certain age where you can get your own supports yourself.

→ If you're still feeling too anxious to have this conversation I highly recommend that you watch this video for even more coping strategies to help you cope with your social anxiety: https://youtu.be/a2W6cO5IG2M

And if you found the information in this video useful and helpful, please share it.

You never know who YOU could be helping!!

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