5 therapist approved coping skills for teenagers who struggle to cope with social anxiety

It’s normal to feel anxious about being social again.

Finding the right therapist-approved coping skills to help you cope with your social anxiety as a teenager can make all the difference!

With the world opening up more, it's normal to feel a bit anxious about being social again. It can feel really scary and intimidating to think about being in social settings again.

If you find yourself experiencing anxiety attacks or panic attacks just thinking about being social again, you're in the right place!

Whether you struggle with a diagnosable condition like Social Phobia, or you're feeling anxious about being around others and being social again, these 5 coping skills for teenagers can help you cope with social anxiety, too!

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about these 5 therapist approved coping skills for teenagers you can use to cope with social anxiety:

1. BREATHE

Yep, you've got to pause and take a deep breath. Like many mental health therapists, I love breathing because it's one of the stress reactions that our body does that you actually have control over and can reverse that process.

When you feel anxious, everything kind of ramps up, and speeds up because it is letting you know that danger is afoot- or at least potentially so.

Your mind is gonna tell you if the potential danger is a real threat or not. But when you're feeling anxious, it's just saying, "wake up, pay attention, stay alert. We don't know what's going on here."

So if you are constantly in alert mode or anxiety mode, you're gonna have to take some deep breaths to clear out some of that processes. And then you can have a clear head to consider:

→ Is this something realistic that I need to be anxious about?

→  Or is there another story here that I can consider?

So that is why we love deep breathing, and it's why we talk about it all the time as therapists. It's a thing because it works.

The best way that I love to do this is to breathe in slowly through my nose, and then even slower out through my mouth.

Now, of course, breathing alone is not gonna get you there and when you're feeling intensely anxious. When somebody's telling you to take a deep breath, I don't know about you, but that actually just makes me angry, and now I'm mad in addition to feeling anxious. So thanks for that.

It's good to have some other coping strategies, so let's go into the second one… 

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2. VISUALIZE

Visualize your ideal situation.

→  If you are feeling socially anxious because you think that you're going to feel panicky when you're around a new group of people, I want you to imagine or visualize that it's going well as you are walking into the room.

→  If your version of it going well is that nobody is paying attention to you or bothering you, visualize that.

→  If your vision of it going well is that somebody is coming up to you and introducing themselves to you, and they're treating you with kindness, visualize that.

→  If you are feeling socially anxious because you're worried that people are going to be mean to you, visualize them being kind and accepting to you.

Whatever is going to be your ideal perfect outcome, just imagine that happening and it will prime your mind and your body to think that it's already happened.

When you visualize your ideal outcome, it won't feel like a new or awkward situation, or at least turn down the dial on that awkwardness a little bit.

3. SCRIPT IT OUT

So now that you have visualized it going well, you can totally buddy that up with this coping strategy. And that is to literally script out the dialogue that you would imagine going well here.

How many of y'all have been in the shower recapping a conversation that you want to have, or one that you've already had and you're like, "oh man, that would have been so good to say in the moment." I am totally guilty of that.

That's our mind's and body's way of trying to process and prepare for the next time we're in a situation like that. The more preparation we can do, the less anxious we feel because we feel a little more in control;  we're not going to be caught off guard by some unexpected surprise.

Now, of course, just because you script out a conversation does not mean that the other person will abide by that script. Which is so annoying, right? Like you've got all your points planned out and you're like, okay, if they say this I'm going to say that. If they say that I'm going to say this and then they just agree from the start. That's great, that's what you wanted from the start but it's a little unsettling because you're like, "oh man I was so prepared!"

I would rather you be over-prepared than under-prepared to help with your social anxiety in these situations.

You can script things out by imagining it or you can actually type or text it out. If you're going to be doing that, don't do it in the actual message, like do not put their name or contact information in that "to:" slot because you don't want to accidentally send it to them when you're not ready to hit send. I personally really like using my drafts on my email or the notes app on my phone. That way I don't risk actually sending it before I'm ready for them to receive it.

4. ENCOURAGEMENT

Having some inspiration or motivation or kind, encouraging words that you can say or take in for yourself is going to be really important to pump yourself up.

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So there are a few different ways that you can do this:

→  You can literally take some Post-It notes and write kind things about it going well or visualizing it going well and post those in places that you'll see it.

→  You can have a motivational poster or the lock screen on your phone could be an inspirational, encouraging quote.

→  You can also use encouragement in terms of symbols or reminders of things going well.

5. BUDDY UP

One of the things that make us feel so anxious in social situations is we feel like we are the only one going through it. It's one of the reasons why I love running my Teen Growth Therapy Groups because these kids in these groups know these are real actual human beings- other teenagers- who are here for guidance, support and supporting each other in return.

It helps you know that your experience is not unique in the sense that you're the only one who could ever experience this.

When you feel a connection and bond with somebody. it helps you feel better about moving forward and taking that risk. It's why being able to see the representation of somebody who has gone through or is going through something similar to you, and having a positive outcome, can help you hang in there and get there, too.

If you're struggling with finding a buddy to help you out in these situations, I highly recommend that you watch this video where I'm talking all about how to build those healthy friendships when you're a teenager: https://youtu.be/tNoD25Ux0AI

And if you found the information in this video useful and helpful please share it.

You never know who YOU could be helping.

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