Therapist explains how to get motivated so you can get your life together in high school

The biggest mistake I hear teenagers make is thinking they have to wait until they're out of high school to get their life together.

These 6 easy steps will help you find your motivation so you can get your life together NOW!

Learning how to get and stay motivated is actually really great self-care for teenagers. Once you know how to get motivated, you'll always know how to get back on track if you lose your way.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about how to get motivated so you can get your life together in high school:

STEP 1: WHY BOTHER?

If you don't know why you're trying to get your life together, you're never gonna know where to go.

You have to start and orient yourself with where you are now and where you want to be.

One of the best ways that I can teach you how to do this is to imagine that if you went to sleep tonight and some miracle happened and all your problems and difficulties were no longer a factor. What would your life look like? You will use this as your anchor when you start feeling lost, when you start losing direction, or when you start questioning "why even bother?"

It's also really important in this step to reflect on what you might be giving up by getting your life together. We often try to over-focus on what we'll gain with these positive changes, but we forget that in order to gain that positive progress we may have to give up something else.

So for example, if your dream is to go to college abroad you will have to give up living in your current country at this moment, which could be giving up access to your favorite foods, easy access to your parents.

Realizing what you might be giving up helps you avoid self-sabotaging and assessing is this worth it? What's the return on investment here?

Maybe it is worth it because you know that you can still FaceTime or Skype with your family. You know that you can still return home after your study abroad. You know that this is a temporary situation in order to achieve your dream life.

STEP 2: MAYBE YOU’RE JUST LAZY… OR NOT

Can we just all agree that calling ourselves or other people lazy is just not helpful or useful? Can we just eliminate lazy from the dictionary?

When we call ourselves and others lazy, it just makes it sound like it's completely that person's fault. It's your doing, it's your choice- which may or may not be true but it definitely isn't motivating.

If you are calling yourself lazy, or other people are getting in your head and calling you lazy, it might be a good idea to pause and reflect on these 2 questions:

1. Is this true? Are you just not putting in the effort?

2. Do you need to rethink the story you're telling yourself here?

The truth is that we believe what we tell ourselves.

So if we're constantly telling ourselves that no matter the effort that we put in that we're just lazy then we're gonna keep believing that and we're gonna keep behaving that way and think, "I'm just lazy, why bother?"

Some ways that you can rewrite the story for yourself are to pause and reflecting on:

→ What other opportunities exist here?

→ What are you learning about yourself or others in these circumstances?

→ Are there other ways that you can adjust and adapt so that you can still take restorative rest breaks and put in the effort to keep going and working on your goals?

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STEP 3: CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT

We forget that sometimes our environment has an impact on our choices and our effort. I've got a great story that demonstrates this point about how your environment can impact your habits.

So, as y'all know I love my Starbucks, Starbucks is my happy place. I love their drinks and coffee it's really yummy it makes me happy.

If you've never been to my actual office then you might not know that Starbucks is right around the corner. Which makes it really convenient to go and get a coffee on the way in or out, or just to make an excuse to run up the road and grab a coffee.

One morning I was driving into work and I remember thinking, "I'm really not that tired I don't really need a coffee so I'm not gonna stop at Starbucks." And I started my drive onto the office. Well, wouldn't you know that as I was driving suddenly I found myself in the drive-through line for Starbucks and was like, "how did I even get here?" It's because of the convenience and the environment and the route that I took that was just my habit at that point. And it made it easy for me to continue making that choice.

Now, of course, I was already in line so of course I did order Starbucks that morning but I made a conscious effort to take a different route to work the next morning that way I avoided going into the Starbucks line.

Here are 3 ways check on your environment:

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1. PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT: Are there any physical changes that need to be made? If you're struggling with keeping up on your homework, for example making sure that the spot that you do your work is clear of distraction that might be putting your phone into a separate room it might mean turning off some apps, it might mean clearing off your desk. It may even mean putting a sign on your door, saying, studying in progress.

2. RELATIONSHIPS: Do you need to change are your friendships and relationships? Your friends and the people who you spend the most time with have an impact on your choices and your personality the same way you do for them. So you wanna be intentional and conscientious about surrounding yourself with people who really want the best for you and try to encourage you to make healthy choices.

That doesn't mean drop all your friends who are struggling please, please don't do that. You wanna be looking for people who are willing to talk things out with you and mean, and do what they say. So it's not enough to just talk aspirationally about yourself. You actually have to make some moves. This is how you build trustworthiness and intimacy in relationships.

3. SOCIAL MEDIA: Unfollow accounts that don't make you feel good. Remove apps from your home screen that makes it easy to get distracted and now it's three hours later. Change the setting on your Netflix so it doesn't auto-play the next episode.

STEP 4: MAKE YOUR PLAN

You have to have a plan to know where you're going. I like to think about it like you are in a boat in the sea now that you know where you are in the sea you've got to make a plan to get to the shore location that you wanna go to. You don't wanna end up in Antarctica if you're trying to go to Hawaii.

So you need to know what direction you need to navigate and reorient to, and then make a plan to make it happen.

I would really recommend that if you're not sure where to start, start with just making a weekly check-in date with yourself and it could be 10 minutes, 15 minutes, half-hour whatever works for you, and make that your time to plan out what you need to do that week.

If you have a condition where your energy fluctuates you need to keep in mind that just because you intend to complete something on a certain day doesn't mean that your energy will match the effort needed.

→ Use a calendar and put at least one thing that if you only got that thing done for the day it would make everything else easier and better to manage.

→ Taking some time to work on something even if you don't totally complete or achieve it I would still count that as success. You still worked on it.

→ If you're not sure where to start I highly recommend prioritizing what is time-sensitive and what is urgent.

→ You can have another list that you can call the parking lot or the waiting room where there are other things that do need to get done but they're not the priority right now.

STEP 5: TAKE ACTION

Now that you have your plan in place you have to start taking action. Even if it's just a small action, it still requires action.

→  Without action, you can't get into a flow state and without flow state you can't stay motivated to accomplish your goals or your task.

You have to take action if you wanna see progress!

Even taking the simple act of opening up your laptop or making a list or creating your plan will help you get into that mindset and flow and habit of making the changes necessary to get your life together.

STEP 6: REASSESS

Ask is this working or is this not working?

→  Maybe clearing your desk wasn't enough maybe you need to also make sure that you have a glass of water nearby.

→  Maybe you need to set your timer a little bit differently.

→  Maybe you're learning that trying to do your homework in the middle of the night is not the best use of your time and energy. You might have to wake up a little bit earlier instead.

 

Do what works well for you and you will see the results that you want.

If you still are struggling with getting + staying motivated it's quite possible that you may also be struggling with depression. Check out this video where I'm sharing five therapist-approved coping skills for teenagers who struggle with depression: https://youtu.be/y6uyWgFsHdk

If you found this video useful and helpful, please share it. You never know who YOU could be helping.

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5 Therapist Approved coping skills for teenagers who struggle with depression

Coping with Depression doesn’t have to be a struggle for teens.

Knowing how to cope with depression can make all the difference for teenagers.

Whether you feel depressed, or struggle with a Major Depressive Disorder, these 5 therapist-approved coping strategies can help teenagers who struggle with depression.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about these 5 Therapist Approved coping skills for teenagers who struggle with depression:

MOVE

Yep. Actually moving about and taking some action can really help improve your depressed mood because when you move your body, you move your mind.

You can do this in a few different ways:

🛋 Change where you're sitting

💃 Put on your favorite music and dance around

🙆‍♀️ Get up and stretch a little bit or even shake it out.

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CONNECT

Loneliness and isolation feed depression. So when you make connections to other people, it helps you feel included and not so lonely.

You can connect to other people in a variety of ways:

🌎 in your community

🧑‍🏫 in your school

👩‍🍳 in your job

👩‍👧 in your family

👬 with your friends

It's one of the reasons why my Teen Growth Therapy Groups are so helpful and successful for these kids. These kiddos end up finding the connections with others that they're not able to find in other areas of their lives, which helps them connect deeper with themselves too (BONUS!)

CONTRIBUTE

When we connect and give something of ourselves towards someone else or something bigger than ourselves, it helps us feel really great. It really puts a boost in our mood and our energy and our effort.

When we put effort into others or into our communities or the world at large, we know that our presence and effort make an impact on other people's lives.

How cool is it to know that what we do, what we say, what we feel, what we change, can have a positive impact on somebody else? It's probably why I do what I do.

FEEL

You gotta feel your feelings. I know it feels a little cringy to think about. After all, isn't feeling this way what got you here in the first place? Maybe, maybe not.

But the thing is is that if you don't actually acknowledge and let yourself feel your feelings, they will pop up and creep out in some other way and it will never be convenient.

How many of y'all have been just managing fine or fine enough and suddenly you burst out into tears over something that really doesn't even feel that significant or important to you. Guilty as charged.

That's because you haven't given yourself enough time to process and to feel your feelings.

Here some ways that you can allow yourself time and space and energy to feel the way you feel:

⏲ Setting a timer and saying I'm gonna let myself feel whatever I need to feel for these X number of minutes. You might wanna start small with like three minutes, five minutes, maybe 20, 30 minutes. I don't know, whatever feels good for you.

🧘‍♀️ Meditation is a great way to just feel and sit with however you're feeling, whatever your experience is, by just noticing it and not trying to make any effort to change it.

📝 You can also try journaling or reflecting with others. Just be careful that feeling your feelings doesn't turn into rumination, which can keep you stuck in your feelings.

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If you don't notice any positive impact over time, then you might wanna change that one up a little bit or double it up with another coping strategy, like movement.

REFLECT

You've got to pause and reflect on what's working and not working for you. So just because a coping skill worked before in a situation, doesn't mean it will work in another situation even if they seem really similar.

Every new experience is its own unique experience in and of itself.

So we can't over-rely or over depend on just one type of coping strategy. It's important to take notice of what else helps and what doesn't help so you can adapt and make adjustments as you move forward.

Now, if you are still feeling depressed and you're thinking that you might wanna go and see a therapist, I highly recommend that you check the video here: https://youtu.be/LQmpqLUjM2I

And if you found this video helpful and useful, please share it.

You never know who YOU could be helping when you do!

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How to ask your parents for therapy using DEAR MAN

Asking your parents for therapy can feel really, really scary when you’re a teenager!

There's a great DBT strategy called DEAR MAN that can help you ask your parents for therapy.

DEAR MAN is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy strategy from the Interpersonal Effective module. They recommend using the DEAR MAN strategy to be more effective in asking for what you want.

DEAR is what you say and MAN is how you say it.

Now it's important to remember that no strategy is 100% effective, and if the answer is still no, it may wise to problem solve other solutions to this challenge for now.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about how to ask your parents to see a therapist using DEAR MAN:

DESCRIBE THE SITUATION

This part should be short and sweet. What is the current circumstance that's even making you want to ask for this now?

In this case, you're gonna describe the situation that's causing you to want to seek therapy from the start.

So if you're somebody who's been really struggling with anxiety to the point that it's impacting your sleep, you wanna say, so I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping.

If you are asking for therapy because you just feel angry and irritable all the time, you wanna share, so I've been really struggling with my anger and irritability all the time.

See how that works there? Just stay very factual and to the point for this first part.

EXPRESS YOUR THOUGHTS + OPINIONS

This is not where you tell and shout at your parents that they need to do this for you. Please don't that. That is not gonna be useful or helpful here, but you can share what you are thinking an interpretation of this experience is.

This is an excellent time to use "I" statements and speak from an "I" perspective, which means that you're not telling other people what they think and feel about the situation. You're just sharing your own personal thoughts and opinions.

So in this situation you might say, I've been doing some research and I've noticed that therapy can help people who are struggling with this.

You'll obviously wanna personalize this to your style of speaking. You don't necessarily wanna use my words because I'm not you. And you're not me.

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ASK FOR IT

So, if you are wanting to see a therapist, you literally have to use the words and ask for it, specifically:

❌ Don't leave it up to interpretation.

❌ Don't leave it up to your parents to guess what it is that you want or what you think would be useful or helpful, or they'll fill in the blanks the best way they can.

❌ And it might not match what you want.

CLEAR IS KIND!

Be direct, be clear. Say exactly what it is that you're asking for.

REWARD THE OTHER PERSON

We often come up with these big arguments and scenarios about what would convince us to give us what we want, but that's not really useful or helpful when you're talking to somebody else because they have their own experiences and their own way of thinking about things.

So I want you to think about from your parents' perspective: What would they get out of offering to bring you to see a teen therapist?

And please, please, please don't say, well, a happier kid. All parents, for the most part, want that. There's a lot of paths to a happier kid.

❌ Don't think about it from how it benefits you.

✅ Think about how it benefits them.

All right, so now that you've got your list down of what it is that you wanna say, you gotta think about how you're going to say it to them. So that's where M.A.N. comes in:

MINDFUL OF YOURSELF + OTHERS

Remember how we were talking about thinking about it from the parents' perspective + not your perspective? This is important here too.

You wanna make sure that you are in a good, healthy emotional state where you can hang in there and talk about this stuff in a gentle, respectful tone. If you can't do that, use your coping skills and come back.

Also, just because it's a good time for you, doesn't mean that it's a good time for the other person. So ask their permission like, hey, is now a good time? I wanted to talk with you about something.

You wanna make sure that they have the time, care, and attention that this conversation deserves.

Especially, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that it's really important to you if you're taking the time to watch this video.

So you wanna make sure that it's important to them too.

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APPEAR CONFIDENT

I would highly recommend maybe practicing what it is that you wanna say, or even going in there prepared, having it written down on a piece of paper.

Letting your parents know that you have thought through this and that you have planned ahead is going to help them take you more seriously. Now, of course, it's not always a guarantee, but it can help.

And when you do talk to them, make sure to make eye contact. You don't wanna just avoid them. You wanna speak up + use your voice to speak your truth.

Again, clear is kind here. And that applies to your tone and the way that you present yourself.

NEGOTIATE

I don't necessarily mean about bartering and sitting down at the conference table like, okay what are you gonna give me? sort of a thing.

 

I mean being willing to stay open to other considerations and possibilities.

Maybe you wanna see a specific therapist, but your parents don't agree with that style of therapy, but they're willing to take you to another therapist. Stay open to it and consider ahead of time what it is that you're willing to flex on and what you're not.

If you are kind of stuck in this standstill where you really wanna see a therapist and your parents aren't totally in agreement with that, you can also use the strategy of what we call turning the tables, which is literally to say to your parents, so I'm really wanting to see a therapist. You don't seem totally sold on that idea. What do you think that we should do about this?

Now, of course, your parents can pull the ultimate parent card and say, well, nothing, I'm the parent. Totally a possibility. I can't control your parents. You can't control your parents. But, you might be surprised that they might be willing to consider it in two weeks, or let's talk to your pediatrician first, or why don't we try this out first?

Be gentle, hang in there, stay kind. And eventually, your parents will either come around and understand that this can be beneficial, or you will become a certain age where you yourself can make these choices for yourself.

Until then, if you are struggling with having your parents take you and your mental health seriously as a teenager, I highly recommend that you watch this video here: https://youtu.be/teevcLpWhP4

And if you found the information in this particular video useful and helpful, please share it. You never know who YOU could be helping. Thanks for reading!

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What if you're too anxious to show up for help? Try these 4 Therapist-Approved coping skills for teenagers

Teenagers can feel anxious about going to Group Therapy.

These 4 therapist-approved coping skills can help ease your anxiety.

Are you tired of struggling with stress, overwhelm, and problematic thoughts, urges + feelings? Then group therapy is an amazing way for teenagers to work on improving their mental health.

You don't have to struggle with your mental health alone.

Group therapy helps because when you are able to help + connect with others, you also help + connect with yourself, too!

If you're struggling with social anxiety or anxiety in general, then you're going to need some coping skills to get to and stay in the group so you can get the maximum benefits of group therapy.

Try these 4 Therapist-Approved coping skills for anxiety if you're interested in going to group therapy but are feeling worried or nervous about it.

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You know that group therapy can be really helpful for your anxiety. But what if you're too anxious to show up?

Here’s what you need to know about these 4 coping skills for teenagers who are anxious about going to group therapy:

DRINK YOUR WATER

It may sound really strange, but water can actually help cool you down so you can get better in control of your anxiety responses.

Drinking water also has another added benefit, that if you are not sure what to say, or you need a moment to collect yourself, very few people are going to interrupt you and say, "Don't drink that water right now. I asked you a question", especially in group therapy.

Usually, people are in group therapy because they want to be there, not because they have to be.

So that means that they're probably going to be kind and respectful and allow you some time to complete your sip of water while you collect your thoughts, gather your emotions, and just kind of physically reset for a moment. 

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PHYSICALLY RESET

So you can actually do this in a few different ways.

💃 Shake It Out: I don't know that I would recommend that in the middle of the group, but before you enter into the group room or turn on your camera if you're still doing virtual group. Doing something to shake out that excess energy can be really useful and helpful to just shift into a new emotional state.

🧘‍♀️ Deep Breathing: You can silently to yourself, take a few deep breaths. I highly recommend breathing in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth.

🙆‍♂️ Untangle Your Limbs: A lot of us, when we start feeling anxious, tend to tighten up and bundle up. You might cross your legs or have your arms folded in front of you. So literally untangling your limbs will help you relax and reset.

PRESSURE

So I know I just told you to unwind yourself, but sometimes putting some physical pressure on you can help you feel a little more contained and relaxed.

You can do this by hugging yourself. Most people aren't going to notice if you have your arms around yourself.

You can also apply pressure by squeezing your hands and releasing, or even in your toes and release.

If you're wearing shoes, most people won't even notice.

And even if you're not, they're probably not going to be looking at your feet.

You can really do this with any body part.

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CHANGE THE STORY

We happened to be storytelling creatures. It's how we retain and remember and pass along important information to each other.

So when you lock into a narrative or a story that you're telling yourself, you tend to believe it and you tend to respond as though it's absolutely going to happen.

How obnoxious is it when you're watching a TV show and you're like, "Oh, that kid's mom is not dead". And then boom, you find out that you were wrong. It can be a little shocking + exciting to explore other opportunities or possibilities in that storyline, which is why different TV shows and movies try to shock and awe us. And you can apply that to yourself as well.

Don't get so locked in that because group therapy has always been anxiety-provoking for you that it will stay anxiety-provoking for you.

Try to explore some other opportunities or options that could happen for you.

If you happen to be somebody who really struggles with negative thinking, I highly recommend that you check out this video: 7 DBT Coping Skills for CRUSHING Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) https://youtu.be/FsXhGsZsxVA

And if you found the information in this video useful and helpful, please be sure to share it.

You never know who YOU could be helping!!

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DBT treatment vs DBT-informed therapy? What's the difference and why it matters

I love Dialectical Behavior Therapy but I am not a DBT therapist.

There is a difference between DBT treatment vs DBT-informed therapy. It can be a bit confusing if you're not familiar with what the differences are and why it matters.

After all, isn't DBT just Dialectical Behavior Therapy? Well.... yes and no.

In this video post, I'm explaining why I am not a DBT therapist (I know, confusing right?) and why I've chosen not to pursue certification at this time.

I'm also sharing how I plan to continue using DBT to inform my treatment and therapy with the teens I work with moving forward.

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about the differences between DBT treatment vs DBT-informed therapy (and why it matters):

So let me back up and explain a little bit. Dialectical Behavior Therapy was developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan, and she created this in response to the fact that there wasn't a lot of good treatment for people who suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder.

People who struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder historically haven't responded well to treatment like Cognitive Behavior Therapy or Psychodynamic treatment. So what Marsha Linehan did is she developed this treatment called Dialectical Behavior Therapy, where she combined aspects of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and some Eastern philosophies, and incorporated them into a four-module program and studied its impact.

What they found is that this program worked especially well for people who were diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder. (YAY!!)

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Since then, we have found that Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been researched and proven over and over again to be a highly effective form of therapy for certain groups of people who traditional therapy didn't always work for.

One of those populations is adolescents or teenagers who have struggled with chronic suicidal ideation, which is one of the reasons that I have studied and learned a lot about Dialectical Behavior Therapy because this is an area that I specialize in.

Comprehensive Dialectical Behavior Therapy programs typically include weekly individual counseling, skills coaching, and group therapy for skills building, which means that you have several therapists and treatment providers that are typically involved on the treatment team. When working with teenagers, there's usually often a multifamily group as well that helps parents and other family members understand and learn these skills too.

Because there are so many aspects of supporting clients in a comprehensive DBT program, there is also what's called DBT team consultation, where the members of that team meet on a regular or semi-regular basis to learn and finesse their skills in this therapy. It's also where they'll discuss any shared cases and what they can learn from each other.

So this is probably gonna make me sound older than I am, but way back when I was a wee social worker and I was learning about Dialectical Behavior Therapy, there was no certification process at that time. There was a lot of self-learning, and going to different trainings, and reading the books, and then talking about them with your treatment team.

Now, I really love Dialectical Behavior Therapy so I went to a LOT of trainings.

*I'm also a little bit of a nerd.

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Over time, they have really finessed the programming and now have different certification processes if you'd like to formally be what's called a DBT therapist. And I gotta tell ya, I did look into certification. But when it really came down to it, one of the things that I really like about using Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the breakdown of the skills and the strategies, but I don't really like the format of it.

I'm somebody who likes to personalize my care and treatment to what's happening for the person right now and not having to wait a month for when we're on that module.

So in order to pull from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and utilize these different skills and strategies in my sessions as needed, I've personally decided not to become certified in DBT at this time.

Now that doesn't mean that my clients don't benefit from those interventions. It just means that I can't call myself a DBT therapist because that's not accurate. The therapy that I provide is informed by Dialectical Behavior Therapy treatment but it is not Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

Does that make sense? I know it can get a little confusing but it would be horribly wrong of me to misrepresent the work that I do as something that it isn't.

And usually, if somebody is seeking out DBT therapy specifically, they probably need a more team approach, which is not something that I can offer as one clinician in private practice.

If you're interested in learning more about one of the modules of DBT, I have a wonderful video all about the ultimate guide to DBT coping skills that you can check out right over here: https://youtu.be/WuxjYKk2eOU

If you found the information in this video useful and helpful, please be sure to share it with others because you never know who YOU could be helping. Thanks for watching!

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These are the 4 types of coping skills every teenager needs to know in 2021

You would never use a snow shovel to curl your hair. So what makes you think that you can use the same coping strategy for every situation? Ya can't.

There are 4 types of coping skills every teenager needs to know in 2021 (+ beyond).

I love the way that Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) breaks coping skills into 4 different types of coping strategies in their Distress Tolerance module.

This video post will review what each of these 4 types of coping skills are, and how teenagers can choose the right type for their needs to cope with 2021 and beyond.

Let's build mental health awareness and break mental health stigma with these 4 types of coping skills in 2021 + beyond!

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If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about 4 types of coping skills every teenager needs to know in 2021:

DISTRACTION

Distraction helps you take space either mentally, physically, emotionally, away from the situation.

So the difference between taking a break and using distraction versus avoidance is avoidance happens when you move away from the situation and you never return back to it.

Distraction is when you use distraction to take some space away from the situation. And then when you are in a better emotional, mental, physical state of being, you then return back to the situation to problem solve. See the difference there?

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SELF-SOOTHING

You're probably like most people in the sense that you probably beat up on yourself when you make a mistake. That's totally normal. It's helped us survive as a species, but it's not really healthy.

And I don't really know how helpful it is to constantly be mean to yourself?

So when you can physically self-soothe and relax your physical responses to negative experiences, it allows you the ability and capability to learn from that information and make better choices moving forward.

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A few ways that you can engage self-soothing skills are to think about one or more of your five senses and how you can interact with that sense in a way that is pleasing and relaxing for you.

A great way to engage your self-soothing skills is to listen to music. Now, you just want to be careful when it comes to music because music can really shift your emotional state. 

✅ So if you are listening to music and it's helping you feel better, then keep doing that.

✅ If you are listening to music and it's helping you feel more connected to others, keep doing that.

❌ If you are listening to music and it's making you ruminate or overthink about something problematic, and it's actually worsening your mood, mm, change the playlist.

You'll know if you just check in with yourself. Is this helping or hurting? And you can do that with any coping strategy.

IMPROVE THE MOMENT

These are seven different skills that you can literally take with you anywhere.

A lot of coping strategies that people talk about usually require engaging with something else, but this really just requires yourself and your mindset.

So the IMPROVE the moment skills are all about changing the way you experience whatever you're observing at that moment.

CRISIS SURVIVAL

I think if this past year has taught us anything, it's really that we need to be okay with uncertainty and expecting the unexpected.

The crisis survival skills are used in the moment when things are just so intense or so overwhelming that we need relief and we need relief now. We cannot wait.

If you are looking for more help and assistance with coping with anxiety as a teenager, I highly recommend that you check out this video right over here: https://youtu.be/sEt8uou6VIE

And if you found the information in this video useful and helpful, please share it.

You never know who YOU could be helping. Thanks for watching!!

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5 Therapist Approved Coping Skills for Teenagers who struggle with ANXIETY 😣

Anxiety is like that tag on the back of your shirt that just itches the heck out of you.

You don't always notice it right away but it is IRRITATING.

Ignoring it doesn't make the pain go away, you have to actually DO something if you want to change the way it makes you feel.

As a teen therapist who specializes in helping teens who struggle with anxiety- I know which coping skills typically work best.

That’s why in this video I'm sharing 5 Therapist Approved coping skills for teens who struggle with anxiety.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

🔔Subscribe here for MORE videos that help teens struggling with mental health: mallorygrimste.com/youtube

If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about these 5 therapist approved coping skills for teenagers who struggle with anxiety:

GRATITUDE

Anxiety is just doing its job letting you know that something new or different is going on and that it might be a little uncomfortable, or potentially dangerous.

So when you express gratitude and say thank you to anxiety for doing its job, it knows that it can chill out. It doesn't have to keep shouting at you to try to get your attention.

👀 You've seen it.

👍 You've acknowledged it.

🙏 And you've expressed thanks for it doing a good job.

MOVE

It's easy to forget that you can actually change or leave the situation. If you notice the cause of your irritability or anxiety, you can then consider your options.

You can physically move to a new location if it's environmental, or move your focus to something else. There are lots of possibilities here.

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CONNECT

You are a social creature and you are not meant to go through this alone. So when you're feeling anxious, sometimes talking about it with other people, who you trust and respect, can help you think about it in new or different ways. You may even come up with solutions that you might not have thought of before.

It's one of the reasons that I love my Teen Growth Therapy Groups. It is so cool seeing how everybody shares what worked for them, and what was challenging about that, and what they learned from those experiences.

You just never know how sharing what you've learned could help somebody else.

Plus, it's always nice to know that you're not alone and that you're not crazy about having that experience.

ACCEPT

Radical acceptance is a mindfulness skill. You practice radical acceptance when you acknowledge the reality of the situation so that you can roll with the punches.

When you can identify and realize the reality of the situation, then you can make informed choices and decisions about what you want to do about it.

Just to be clear, practicing radical acceptance doesn't mean that you don't strive for change…

but you need to accept and acknowledge the current circumstances to make sure you make the choice that's best for you.

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CHANGE

When it comes to anxiety, we all have physical responses to anxiety. This is totally normal. It's your body's and mind's way of informing your experience.

But sometimes our bodies like to shout at us. And so changing the way we physically or emotionally feel, requires you to engage in some sort of self-soothing activity.

DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) actually dedicates a whole module to the skillset of self-soothing using your five senses plus movement. I've personally added creative expression to this category as well (that's my own spin on it.)

If you're looking for inspiration or ideas on how to use this to alleviate your own anxiety, I have a great video about how to use these self-soothing skills right here: https://youtu.be/tu6F6QIL6ww

I hope that you've found the information in this video post useful and helpful. And if you did, please share it.

You never know who you could be helping when you do!!

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Here’s how to Face Your Fears and talk to your parents about your mental health + get help (responding to your comments)

OK- I hear you! You want help but you are scared to talk to your parents about your mental health struggles!

Let's talk about it in this video post.

If you prefer to watch the video on YouTube, click this image here:

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You are not alone in this struggle!

There have been many others who were afraid of asking their parents for help for a variety of reasons.

In this video post, I'm responding to your comments so you can face your fears and talk to your parents about your mental health struggles so you can get help!

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How to cope with anxiety as a teenager in 2021

Coping with anxiety as a teenager these days can be quite a challenge!

2020 threw us some wild curveballs, so it's totally understandable that you might be experiencing more anxiety in 2021 as a result.

Knowing how to cope with anxiety as a teenager in 2021 after surviving 2020 will help you not just this year, but all those future years to come.

When you can cope with anxiety as a teenager, you're building resiliency to help you cope with anxiety as an adult, too. How cool is that?

So give your future self the gift of coping with anxiety as a teenager but watching this video post which outlines an easy 5-step process.

You'll be coping with anxiety like a champ in no time!

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

🔔Subscribe here for MORE videos that help teens struggling with mental health: mallorygrimste.com/youtube

If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about how to cope with anxiety as a teenager in 2021 (after surviving 2020):

STEP 1: SLOW DOWN

When you start to feel anxious or stressed, everything actually speeds up, because you need a lot of energy to escape the perceived danger.

We're not that different from when we were cavemen and women, and we needed to run away from that dinosaur that was chasing us. Nowadays, your stress and anxiety don't know if you are stressed out because there's a tiger chasing you, or you've got your math test coming up.

So by slowing down your physical processes, you'll actually decrease the edge on that anxiety a little bit.

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Some great strategies to slow down are:

💛 Take some slow, deep breaths.

💛 Put your back flat against something. this gives some signals to your brain and your mind that that's one less plane of existence that you have to protect against.

💛 Do a quick body scan, from the top of your head to your toes, noticing where you feel contact with your body and something else.

When you focus on what feels connected and stable, it gives signals to your brain that you're not in as much danger as it thinks you are.

STEP 2: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Your body will tell you exactly what it needs. So many of us, when we get really overwhelmed or stressed out, our bodies tend to heat up, so it's literally telling you that you need to cool down or chill out.

If you are somebody who heats up when you're stressed out, running some cool water on the inner part of your forearm, or getting a cool glass of water can be really helpful.

If you're somebody who actually loses body heat and gets really cold when you're stressed out, putting on an extra layer of clothing or wrapping yourself in a blanket could feel really great, too.

Your body will tell you exactly what it needs if you listen to it.

STEP 3: STAY CURIOUS

You don't want to assume that you have all the information- most times you usually don't.

When you start to fill in the blanks, which is totally normal by the way and then believe them without fact-checking, you may be feeding yourself some false information.

So a great way to practice this is to use a beginner's mind.

Try to remember what it was like not to know anything about the situation. If you were a scientist or an explorer coming across a circumstance for the very first time, what would you want to know? What would you be curious about? Is there any information that could potentially be missing?

Then ask yourself, is any of that even important to what you're trying to do here? If it's not, then you can refocus your attention on something else, sometimes we get really fixated and focus on things that are out of our control.

And we end up creating these scenarios where we're never gonna get full control of that situation, and that just leads to more stress and anxiety.

So if you keep trying to do the same thing, and it's just causing more stress, it may be time to disengage and focus on something that you can control.

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STEP 4: BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Anxiety is really stressful and overwhelming. It can be quite exhausting.

So beating yourself up for feeling anxious is just gonna make you feel worse about yourself. Being kind and gentle to yourself can be really healing here. Think about what you would do or say to a best friend who was struggling with this.

Learning to be kind to ourselves allows us to be kinder to others, too.

STEP 5: CONNECT WITH OTHERS

We are social creatures, we are not meant to undergo this stress alone. We are meant to be with other people and to have relationships with other people.

It's one of the reasons I love the Teen Growth Therapy Groups that I offer. I've seen firsthand over and over again with these teenagers, that when they are able to help other people with similar circumstances as them, they're actually learning how to improve that for themselves, too. It's really powerful stuff!

Connecting with others is a great way to learn and share experiences with each other, so you can heal on this journey together.

If you're interested in even more reasons why I love group therapy, especially for teenagers, you can check that out on this video right over here: https://youtu.be/2ll8l5EVMdA

If you found this information useful and helpful, please share it.

You never know who you could be helping!

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How to set healthy boundaries with your friends and family

Why is it that some people have no problem saying no to you, but you find it excruciatingly painful to think about disappointing others?

You don't want to cut these people out of your life, but you do need them to start treating you better.

In this video I'm sharing 4 DBT skills that will help you do just that.

If you prefer to watch the video, click this image here:

🔔Subscribe here for MORE videos that help teens struggling with mental health: mallorygrimste.com/youtube

If you prefer to read, here’s what you need to know about how to set healthy boundaries with your friends and family:

GENTLE

You want to be kind, considerate, and gentle with the way that you put your request out there.

If you use a harsh, annoyed, or angry tone, people are going to hear the emotion and not the words, even if what you're asking for is very reasonable.

When you go in hot, you're gonna startle the other person and they're probably going to go into defense mode.

So a better way of doing that is to be gentle about it. You can still be annoyed, you can still express your anger. Expressing your emotional experience lets them understand the impact on you, and using a gentle tone makes sure they can hear you clearly.

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INTERESTED

Many times when we're already annoyed and aggravated- you're at your capacity for dealing with nonsense from other people.

You're really not interested in their explanations or excuses anymore. But if you want to keep and maintain that relationship, you've got to become interested in them again. 

I know, I know. You might be, like, "Wait, I thought setting boundaries is so that I don't have to deal with that." But that's actually not true.

When you show interest and curiosity about what their thought process was, whether it's reasonable or not, you're letting them know that you want to understand them and that you want to get to know them. You're teaching them to be interested in your experience as well. Nice little double whammy there, right?

VALIDATE

When you validate somebody's experience, you're letting them know that you understand and hear them, and that, based on the information that they have, they make sense.

Now that does not mean that you have to agree with them. In fact, you probably won't. That's okay. You're more so just letting them know, that, "hey, I hear you. I understand what your thought process is here," and then you can go into setting your limit or boundary with them.

'Cause ultimately we all just wanna know that we're not crazy and that you're listening to us and taking us seriously.

When you validate the other person, it takes them off the defensive, and now they're more willing and receptive to hear what you have to say because they don't feel like they have to keep proving their point.

You've already made it, and you've already considered it. 

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EASY GOING

Make sure you appear very chill about everything, even if on the inside, you are fuming, or if you are on fire.

When you can be very chill, nonchalant, and easy-going, other people respond to what you're saying, and not to the emotions.

You want them to respond to the words and the request that you're saying.

Emotions can be quite contagious here, so you don't wanna spread your anger to become their anger to fuel your anger, and now you've got this forest fire going on.

Instead, if you can keep your cool and chill when you're setting these boundaries, you're making it less likely for the other person to get into that emotional irrational state, too.

Now that you know how to set healthy boundaries with friends and family in a way that helps you keep and maintain these relationships, using DBT's G.I.V.E. skills, you might also be interested in how to talk to your parents about your mental health struggles.

I've got a great playlist full of different strategies for talking about your mental health struggles with parents that you could check out right over here: 

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiLAumV7icFEF37mdWAx03wBmvfgIbnpU

If you found the information in this video useful and helpful, please share it. You never know who you could be helping.

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✨ Call 24/7 ✨